My dearest E.,
You never cease to amaze me. Particularly over the past month. I can hardly believe how grown-up you are now. You’ve started talking a little, eager to utter new words you’ve learnt. Your comprehension and understanding astounds me. I always knew that you were a very personable baby, but I never knew just how personable. My friends remark to me, “What a cute little person E is!” You’re coming out into your own.
I see little traits of my personality in you. Habits too. I still find it amazing, to know that you are your own person with many special attributes, but at the same time, possessing attributes similar to mine. It scares me- because it brings to mind what someone had said to me years ago- “you will find yourself turning into your mother as you grow older and wiser, and when you have your own child“. It scares me- because it seems to be true. As I grow in wisdom and age, I also grow more motherly and my personality parellels are remarkably similar to my mother’s. It scares me- because many years ago, I vowed that I would be my own person, and would not turn into my mother. Not because it’s a bad thing, but simply because we want to feel that we will do things differently, things our mothers would not have done. I’m failing miserably in that aspect.
So, here I am telling you this now: perhaps one day when you become a mother, you’ll turn into something like me, too. Which is a good thing, my sweets. I’d like to think of myself as a hip, cool Mom!
Watching you learn new things is an exciting journey. From helping your Daddy stack beer cans in the refrigerator, learning to drink from your own little plastic cup, feeding yourself (never mind the mess you make!), learning new words (flower, Daddy, no, yes, knee, bath), progressing to bath time in the shower, where you’d stand solemnly, touching shampoo bottles and taps whilst I gently rained water over your little body and head, to keeping your own toys in their little baskets after you’ve played with them, I discover more about you, my little daughter, each and every single day.
The past week we have spent together was a wonderful balm to my senses. Being with you for a whole week (I was on holiday for the Chinese New Year), without having to send you to your grandparents’, was one of the most wonderful times I’ve had. We played, we laughed, we went out to malls and to the park, we had evening walks and afternoon slumbers together, we experimented with new things I cooked for you, we pored over your new Winnie the Pooh Little Touch Leap-Pad book, we drew circles and lines…..and so much more. Thank you for giving me such a lovely time, my sweet pea.
Now I write this from my office desk, and I reminisce about our past week together 24-7. I sigh a huge sigh of sadness because we can’t do that everyday. But someday, my precious gem, I promise you I will. Work hard today, so we reap the benefits of the seeds we sow tomorrow. I hope that by the time tomorrow comes, you won’t have grown up so much that you wouldn’t want to hang out with your Mommy anymore.